Title: Obvious Only To A Scooby
Author: Susan Anthony (LdyGossamer@aol.com)
Summary: Harry Potter requests the help of the Watcher's Council in their little war.
Notes: I haven't seen this solution to the Voldie problem before though maybe I just haven't read about it. This is set at some time after Harry's sixth year. Dumbledore wasn't killed and Snape is still lurking about.
Warning: This story is for the pleasure of the readers only. I don't make a thing. I may be treading the line of Hermione bashing here but I really didn't mean to. She *is* very eager to share her opinion.
Title: Obvious Only To A Scooby
Author: Susan Anthony (LdyGossamer@aol.com)
Xander stared across the table at several wizards and witches – charmingly calling themselves the Order of the Phoenix - who stared expectantly back at him. The group seemed right at home in the dusty library of this grimy old house but personally, Xander thought it was creepy. The whole place just had a dark Hellmouth vibey. He had to keep himself from checking to see if there was a Hellmouth seal hidden under a rug somewhere.
Forcing himself to focus on the task at hand, Xander opened his mouth for a few moments and then closed it. Then he took a deep breath.
"Okay, let me make sure I understand the problem here," he finally began. "You, Harry," he said, pointing at the young, dark-haired and rather sullen wizard, "are leading a war along with Gandolf here against a Dark Wizard called, Moldiwort."
“It’s Headmaster Dumbledore,” Hermione Granger corrected primly.
"That is correct," Gandolf...er...Dumbledore replied grimly.
"And his name is Voldemort," Hermione continued with a glare. She had been against telling the American about their search as what could he possibly know that *she* hadn't already thought of. "And he's a Dark *Lord*."
Xander almost sneered at her. Almost. He decided not to, though, as there were so many people here who sneered better than he did. Snape and that Spike-A-Like Malfoy kid sprang to mind.
"Miss Granger," he said finally. "*Sauron* was a Dark Lord. *Vader* was a Dark Lord. Voldemort has not yet achieved that status. He is only a big bad in the grand scheme of things and my group has been dealing with various big bads since I was fifteen. I’m now almost twenty-eight so I know what I’m talking about.”
“Now...." he continued over various protests from the table, "I know he's a major big bad for you wizards and has done a lot of horrible things so please let me finish."
They quieted down reluctantly and Xander continued.
"Now, Harry here is only involved with this mess because of a prophecy, correct?" he asked, looking towards Harry. The young man nodded his head almost reluctantly. "And you have to 'vanquish' this guy, right? But you can't because you have to find these horcow thingies and destroy them first?"
"That's *horcrux*!" Hermione said flatly.
"And we have found some of them," Ron, Harry's other friend, said defensively.
"And you have to destroy these horcows because each one holds a piece of Moldie’s soul? So he can’t die as long as one of these pieces of soul exists?” Another round of nods and Xander idly tapped the table with his fingers. “That’s so twisted,” he muttered.
“Tell me about it,” Harry replied grimly.
“So really, all you need to do is round up these…slivers of his soul,” Xander grimaced as he considered the topic, “and Harry can issue the smack down on Moldie and everyone will be happy again, right?"
Xander noted Hermione flinched at each of his this-time-deliberate mispronunciations and saw her open her mouth to correct him *again* but Harry replied first.
"Yes, Mr. Harris," he said in his firm but quiet tone. Xander had been warned by a few friends in the Watcher organization that Harry Potter had a temper on him but Xander had yet to see any evidence of it.
"Okay then," the one-eyed man said as he sat back in his vastly uncomfortable chair and glanced around the room.
He knew these wizards and witches didn't really expect him to be able to help with their Dark Wizard problem. Most of them hadn't wanted any help from the Watcher's Council at all, much less tell the Council about these secret horcruxes.
But after Harry and company had been pulled out of a sticky situation by some roaming slayers who had easily roughed up and taken down the attacking Death Eaters – and wasn’t *that* a name to snicker at? - Harry had persuaded his reluctant Headmaster to contact them and see if they could be of any help. Apparently, Harry had quite a bit of influence in the Wizarding world and the war against these dark wizards had not been going very well for them. Harry had wanted to look into any avenue that might stop the killing sooner.
So Xander thought over everything he’d heard during the past hour, knowing that the other members of the Council were listening in on every word through the handy little charm Willow had attached to his eye patch. After considering the whole situation for several silent minutes, a slow and wicked smile started spreading across Xander's face and several of the people around the table began to feel wary.
Xander, however, just chuckled darkly as he caught Harry's eyes.
“Harry, I know your people could probably care less about this but one of the...titles, I guess you'd call them, that the demon population has laid on me over the years is ‘thwarter of prophecies’.” Xander grinned rather wickedly. “It's my favorite."
Hermione sniffed. "You can't thwart a prophecy, Mr. Harris," she stated in her no-nonsense tone.
Xander just raised his eyebrows as he turned his attention to the (rather snooty, in his opinion) brunette. "And, of course, you would know, Miss Granger, having dealt with so many prophecies," he noted sarcastically.
"And how many have you dealt with, Mr. Harris?" Professor Dumbledore asked, his tone agreeing with Hermione's though he appeared to be trying for all-knowing neutrality.
"Last count from the past thirteen years was 63 prophecies resolved, 10 avoided, 5 outright thwarted," Xander replied as he stood. Dumbledore nodded wisely at him, obviously having no reply.
Xander started for the door. "Now, if you'll wait here, I have to go fetch the resolution to your problem. I'll be right back." As the door was shutting behind him, the whole room heard him shout, "Hey Willow!"
Behind him, Hermione Granger was shaking her head. "There is no way to thwart a prophecy," she insisted. "By their very nature, prophecies come true."
"He seems to know what he's talking about, Hermione," Harry replied in an almost hopeful tone. “And he seems to have an idea of what can help us.”
“Besides, Hermione, weren’t you the one who said divination was a very wooly subject?” Ron asked with a smirk.
“And it is!” she insisted, “But there *are* prophecies that are true. I don’t think he knows what he’s talking about,” she said with something close to a pout. “And he said he wouldn’t *tell* anyone about the horcows…” Hermione stopped and blinked before she grimaced as Harry and Ron snickered. “The *horcruxes* but he walked out of here yelling for that odd red-haired friend of his.”
“She is a member of their Council, Miss Granger,” the headmaster noted quietly as he tried to listen to all the conversations going on around the table. “The oath of secrets we asked for was for their high Council members, all of which are in residence here in Grimmauld Place.”
“I think they will be able to help,” Ron added as he glanced at his girlfriend. “I’ve spoken with some of those girls who showed up with him – the ones who saved Harry and me from those Death Eaters in Godric’s Hollow - and they seem to think Mr. Harris can do just about anything when he decides to.”
Hermione gave her boyfriend a glare and then turned to the book lying open on the table before her. “I’ll believe it when I see it,” she said. “Meanwhile, we should be looking at other options.”
Several minutes later, Xander opened the door and gestured his red-haired friend into the room followed by an older man. He, however, stood outside the door, speaking into his cell phone.
"Cell phones don't work here," Hermione pointed out as she stared.
"Ours do," Willow said happily as she settled into a chair. "They run on magic and since magic is found naturally almost everywhere on the planet, we never have battery problems either."
"But...but...." The young witch blinked and wasn't quite sure how to respond to that. Everyone in the Wizarding world knew that magic and technology didn’t work together. But there the one-eyed muggle stood, apparently talking into a cell phone, something neither of his companions found the least bit unusual.
“Sorry about that,” Xander said with a smile as he stepped into the room, closing the phone and stuffing it into his pocket. Then he sat down and clapped his hands. "Okay then, Wizards and Witches, this is Rupert Giles, Head of the International Watcher’s Council and new Wizarding world liaison.”
“Wizarding world liaison?” Dumbledore asked, his bushy brows rising.
“Liaison between what?” Hermione demanded.
Xander blinked at her. “Between Wizarding Britain and the rest of Britain,” he said as if it were obvious. “The Queen sent a notice to your Whineygamot through her Royal Wizard. I think you guys call him your Prime Minister.”
“When did this happen?” one of the other Order members demanded. Xander thought it was Ron’s mom just going by the similar looks and red hair.
“Why haven’t we heard about this?” Dumbledore asked, adjusting his glasses.
“The Prime Minister is the Queen’s Royal Wizard?” Hermione asked in a very surprised tone? “I haven’t read that!”
“What Queen?” Ron asked and everyone stopped to look at him. “What?”
“Really, Dumbledore, what exactly are you teaching at that school of yours if this young man doesn’t even know who the Queen is?” Giles asked sternly. Dumbledore just blinked all-knowingly.
“Topic please!” Xander said loudly and everyone turned back to him. “Giles’ spiffy new title can be discussed later…”
“It certainly will be,” stated another order member whom Xander thought looked like Mace Windu.
“Now, I’d also like to introduce Willow Rosenberg, who is the head of our Mages and Covens branch."
There was a moment of silence before Ron asked, "She's a witch?"
“One of the most powerful on the planet at the moment,” Xander said and several people around the table snorted, especially from where the Malfoy kid and Count Snapeula were sitting. The one-eyed man just looked around the table. “I’ll remind you all of those lovely snorts the next time Willow has to stop your big bad from trashing a soccer stadium filled with thirty thousand screaming fans.”
There was another moment of silence and Xander noted the shocked look on Snape’s face as he turned to Willow. “That was you?” he asked and Willow just beamed at him.
“Yep,” she said in a perky tone. “We had a heads up that Moldy was going to attack Ewood Park during the game and sure enough, he and his munching minions showed up.”
“Ewood Park?” Hermione asked in a squeaky voice. She looked completely stunned. “There was a huge fire during last week’s game and they had to evacuate everyone. That was Voldemort?”
“Yep,” Xander replied.
“But no one was killed!” Hermione continued. “Hardly anyone was injured!”
“I wouldn’t say that,” Xander said with a smirk. “There were several casualties that had these ugly white masks and weird black robes on.”
“You’re saying several Death Eaters were killed there?” Harry asked. Willow and Xander nodded happily. “But why didn’t we hear about them?” he asked, turning to Dumbledore, who looked properly inscrutable.
“There were lots of your oblevators there,” Willow noted thoughtfully and barely acknowledged Hermione’s faint, ‘that’s obliviators’. “And several of your red shirts roaming around not doing much of anything.”
“You mean the Ministry knew about this and didn’t tell anyone?” Harry asked, again directing his question to Dumbledore. Xander noted that his tone was angry though his expression was completely blank.
“No one was killed,” Dumbledore stated wisely, “so we didn’t think anyone needed to know.”
“Oh yeah, that’s a great reason to keep everyone in the dark and unprepared for the next attack,” Xander noted, sarcasm oozing from his words. “Idiot,” he muttered as he turned to Willow. “Hopefully, our idea will prevent further ineptitudes on your part, Headmaster.”
“Ineptitudes. Such a big word, Xander,” Willow said in a teasing tone which had him making a face at her while the lady he thought was Ron’s mom stated loudly, “Mr. Harris that was quite uncalled for. I’m sure the Headmaster was doing what he thought was right.”
“Whatever,” Xander said, waving off her words with a well-practiced ease. He completely ignored the quite impressive scowl she directed his way. “Now, Willow, Giles, here’s the scoop.”
“You can’t just tell them about the…about what we discussed!” Hermione stated just as loudly as Ron’s mom. Xander just stopped and rubbed his face for a moment before he turned his one intense eye towards the brown-haired witch.
"Miss Granger, Harry trusted me enough to share this with me. I have a solution. Would you like to shut up long enough to hear it?”
Hermione narrowed her eyes and opened her mouth but Harry placed a hand on her arm.
“Please, Hermione. I wouldn’t have asked them here if I didn’t trust them.” Hermione met his eyes for a long moment before she sniffed.
“Very well,” she grumbled as she glared at Xander.
"You’re very gracious, thanks,” Xander said without a single bit of sarcasm shading his tone. “Okay, Willow, Giles," Xander began, "Harry, here, is prophesized to vanquish a wizard claiming to be a Dark Lord, but he can't because Darth Voldemort split his soul into various pieces and attached them to artifacts called Horcruxes. He then hid the artifacts. Supposedly, because he split his soul into so many pieces, he can’t be killed as long as one piece is still loose.”
Willow and Giles blinked and then looked thoughtfully at Harry.
Xander then gave them a smirk. “Willow, you wouldn’t happen to know any spells that would, say, restore what’s left of a soul, would you?”
Willow blinked again and then started to bounce excitedly in her seat. "Oh! Oh, I so know what we can do!"
Xander just nodded and turned to Harry. "See, we have this friend who tends to lose his soul every now and then and Willow has a spell which can stick it back on him. You don't even have to see the guy to do the spell.”
Willow nodded. “You have to have a lot of power but it is *so* easy!” she added happily.
Xander grinned at his bubbling friend. “We also happen to have an extra Orb of Thesis..."
"Orb of Thesula," Willow interrupted gleefully.
"...that she said she'd give you."
"I got it on EBAY!"
Xander gave his oldest friend a rather strange look before he nodded and glanced back at the rather stunned wizards. "So, you draw Moldy out; stick his soul back on him. It really disorients the victim...I mean the subject of the spell, so you’ll have plenty of time to lay on the smack down. In fact, if you like, I'll lend you our rocket launcher and BLAM...no more Dork Lord."
There was silence in the room for a long moment before Xander turned to Giles and Willow. "Think it'll work?"
"I think so!" Willow said, nodding happily.
“I quite agree,” Giles said with a fond smile at his two friends. “An admirable solution, Xander.”
"And the Curse of Happiness won't even matter because Harry's going to vanquish him after anyway," the red-head pointed out cheerfully.
Xander turned back to Harry and his gaping friends. “So what do you think?”